From underneath the rug crawled a little-bitty bug
She met it with a scream and I met it with a shrug
Gotta listen to my wife, bud, gotta take your life, bud
I didn’t feel a thing but I had to clean my shoe some
That night I went to bed thinking, “It was either him or me.”

I hope he understands I’m just doing what I’m told
I didn’t want to hurt you, friend, but I’m trying to be bolder
I know I learned a lesson, things won’t be the same
I even retroactively have given you a name
I’m not ready to say sorry, I wish you were here to take half the blame

My, my, my when you look up to the sky
And laugh ‘cause it’s all you can do
By the time you realize you ain’t got to worry
Let’s hope it ain’t too late for you, my friend
Let’s hope it ain’t too late for you

Things were going good, I was learning how not to be rude
Yessir, nosir, please ma’am, thank you for the food, ma’am
Thank you for the invite to this fancy dinner
I appreciate your graciousness toward this lowly sinner
When I’m back this way again I’ll take you up on stopping in again real soon

Driving home smiling, things were going right finally
But in the back of my head kept hearing, “how d'you do, Ms. Wiley?”
Gotta shut that thinking out and keep this momentum going
Gotta smile, shave my neck, and somehow keep my teeth from showing
When I got home there was a note said, “everyone’s out of your league except for me.”

My, my, my when you hear the whole story
And laugh, cause the story ain’t true
By the time you realize you’ve been hearing only lies
Lets hope it ain't too late for you, my friend
It might just be too late for you

My boss called me in, said you’ve been hiding in your office
Didn’t know just what to say so I just went back to my office
And I sat there in my chair and I spun myself around
And I smiled to myself about the thought that I had found
Then I got back on the internet and read some more descriptions of used boats

Staring at the wall and staring at a monitor
I should be cutting grass or an elementary school janitor
I could buy a little house on a little piece of land
Put this phone away and pay attention to my kids
When I left I found my boss said, “Have a good one, sir, I’ll see you next week.”

Calm down, sir, it looks like you’re in a hurry
But just what are you hurrying to?
By the time you realize what you’ve done with all your life
Let’s hope it ain’t too late for you, my friend
Let’s hope it ain’t too late for you

Gotta listen to my heart and listen to my health
I’m still looking pretty good if I do say so myself
Overestimate the power of my good intentions
No more Little Debbies while I’m focused on nutrition
And I’m fasting for a day and cutting soda and I’m eating less red meat

Gotta mow the lawn and pick the kids up from your mom’s
And yes I’ll drop them off at school then go to Costco for new shoes
And I’m admitting when I’m wrong and we’re plugging right along
And I’m standing at my desk maybe meditating wrong
It’s getting to the point where I can’t even tell the weekend from the week

Traffic lights, stop signs, and blaring on their horns
And understanding algebra and drawing unicorns
Take me to the ball game, take me out to lunch
Keep all of your fluids changed and remember to be fun
And remember to say sorry even if it’s not your fault
And take a little time to put an iron on your shirt
I’m running out of time to understand what you are saying
Please don’t call me that, no you know that I’m just playing
Button your coat up, don’t put the heat down
Don’t make me repeat it, can you please just do it now
And I know you heard me tell you, you just probably forgot
Like you always do you never do anything I want

My, my, my, when you look up at the sky
It wasn’t only made for you
I never said it was, I’m just trying to get by
I’m not trying to be better than you, oh boy
I’m not trying to be better than you